Slight Night Shiver
by floatjetsam
Summary: Casey wasn't going to run away, it was too late... She was done with running, anyway.


_Author's Note: Wrote this while I was painfully bored._

_Disclaimer: I don't know why I'd have an account on FanFiction if I had anything to do with the show._

_x.  
_

_LwD_

Confusion.

It's the worst part of life. At least that's how Casey felt. It makes you dizzy, sick and anxious. Suddenly everything around you feels completely different and you're consumed with only thoughts about the future. You can't sleep or eat, and when someone tries to have a normal conversation with you, you unintentionally tune them out.

Because you're thinking too much.

And as Casey laid in her bed, hearing the faint sound of rain drops hitting the windowpane, she struggled to fall asleep. It was nearly impossible. Her mind was on some sort of a continuous loop. An_ infinite_ loop, it felt like.

She rolled onto her side and felt tears stinging her eyes. She wanted to cry, it would probably make her feel better, less heavy, but she couldn't. She felt more numb than sad.

Maybe it was because she was extremely upset, but Casey had an urge to talk to_ him._

It makes absolutely no sense, feeling close to someone who tries so hard to keep you away, but it happens, and for no reason at all sometimes. You can't choose who you end up feeling connected to.

He was her safety, as crazy as it sounds.

He might have been annoying, maybe downright despicable, but he was the only person she felt completely 'normal' around. With other people she never could be herself, her true self, but with him she could.

The rain started to pick up. Casey lifted herself upright, wrapping her arms around her knees, and looked around the darkness.

Everything seemed so simple in the beginning and now everything was moving so fast. She had to decide where she wanted to go, what she wanted to do...

Thunder hit without warning and Casey jumped, almost falling off her bed. Her heart started to pound. God, she hated thunder - she hated how unpredictable it was.

All Casey wanted was to go into his bedroom and cry on his shoulder. If he wasn't who he was and they weren't ... what they were ... she would do those things.

And that added to her stresses.

There isn't anything worst then hiding your feelings. It seems easy at first but over time it gets harder and before you know it every day you're thinking about these feelings. Every day you want to tell that person how you feel, let it all out. Most of the time people end up caving, they tell them, but that doesn't mean it always works out...

An hour passed and still Casey felt wide awake, suffocated by the darkness and the overwhelming feeling of loneliness.

She left her bedroom, hoping that maybe it would help her somehow. She walked down the staircase slowly, taking each step carefully to avoid tripping over one of Marti's toys because it was so dark. She froze when she realized she wasn't the only one up.

There he was, in the kitchen, eating a bowl of cereal, while reading some magazine. Casey smiled from the feeling of_ deja vu_.

Really, she didn't want to see him. She couldn't face him, not when she was feeling like_ this_, not when she craved so badly for his touch, his warmth.

But there he was, and Casey's eyes widened when he noticed her presence. With hesitation, she was in the kitchen and he gave her a suspicious yet somewhat concerned look. She bit the bottom of her lip and his brow raised. Sometimes she wondered if he knew, if maybe he could see through her. But even if he did know, it wouldn't matter. After all these years he would have done something, he would have tried to _make it happen_.

He was Derek and what Derek wants Derek gets - obviously he didn't want _her_.

Finally he spoke. "Why are you up so late?" He asked.

Casey's answer was quick and nonchalant. "I'm just getting a glass of water." She went over to the fridge. "Why are you up?" She asked, turning her head towards him while she grabbed a water of bottle.

He smirked. "I don't know," he glanced at his bowl of cereal, "I woke up hungry and now I can't go back to sleep." He laughed afterward.

Casey realized, as she sat down on the bar stool, that there was something wrong with Derek. He wasn't making much of an effort to annoy her like he usually did. They almost never had a decent conversation but at that moment it seemed as though they weren't who they were.

"I can't sleep either..." Casey mumbled, looking over his shoulder, where the kitchen window was. It was still raining heavily.

"Thinking too much?"

She was about to make a retort but she pursed her lips and held it back. She didn't want to start an argument with him. "Yeah, I guess," the words came out slowly, and her breathing hitched. She finally looked into his eyes.

"About...?"

"Nothing..." His eyes were so dark yet full of such brightness, brightness that made her feel okay, like she wasn't alone. "It's just... I'm confused, I guess."

"Well, you have a week to decide," Derek said, and he yawned. "It's not like you have to make a decision right now."

Casey's grip tightened around the bottle of water. "A week isn't very long, Derek."

"But it's still a week... and besides, you already know what you want."

"What is that suppose to mean?"

"You're just stressing out because, well you're _you_." He paused for a moment, and Casey could feel the blood rising to her cheeks, "but you already know where you want to be. You just like to be a drama queen about it."

"Oh, really?" Casey crossed her arms. "So what do I want? Tell me, since you know me _so_ well."

"You're going to go to Queens."

"And what makes you so sure of that?"

"Because you're predictable."

Casey's mouth open and closed several times. "I am not."

"Really?" He asked, "So you're actually going to take a year off of college?"

Casey didn't answer him.

"You're really going to pursue a dancing career with some guy you just met, a guy who you barely know?"

"Well, I mean-"

Derek smirked. "...I think my point as been proven."

Oh, if only he knew... Casey glared at him, and his smirk turned into a wide smile. If only he knew how she really felt about him. Now that wouldn't be so predictable.

"Okay, so you're right. I'm probably going to choose Queens."

Derek raised his brows. "Shocker," he said sarcastically.

"... But it has nothing to do with my academics."

"Oh, really?"

"Really. It's actually because-" but she broke off, realizing what she was about to say to him.

"It's because of what?"

"Nothing - never mind." She forced a laugh. "Well, I'm going to go back to bed."

Derek followed after her as she left the kitchen. "No, I want to know."

They started up the stairs together. "Why do you even care?" Casey asked, her heart beginning to pound.

"I'm curious."

"Derek," she faced him as they stood in the hallway, "It's really not important so let's just drop it shall we?" She was about to turn away but he grabbed her arm.

"No."

Her eyes were on his grasp and he followed her gaze, letting go of her slowly.

"Why do you want to go to Queens?"

She went silent. Derek's eyes burned into hers and a shiver went up and down her spine.

Pride is a funny thing. It distorts you're thinking process. It makes you do and say weird things because you don't want to look stupid, you don't want people thinking you're a freak or a coward.

That's how Casey felt. Derek assumed why she didn't want to pursue dance as a career, but he was wrong.

So when Casey moved forward, taking all of her frustration, anger, and stress with her, it was because of pride. She wanted to prove Derek wrong, she wanted to prove to him that she could be unpredictable.

The palms of her hands pressed against his face as he stood there, frozen, not responding to her touch at all.

And when Casey ran back into her bedroom, closing the door behind her, she felt a weight leave her shoulders and suddenly all of these emotions began to pour out of her. It was overwhelming. The tears she had been holding back for so long were now streaming down her face, and it felt like they would never stop, but it was okay, because she was no longer numb. She was finally feeling something.

A knock came from behind her door, startling her. Hastily, she wiped her tears away with the back of her hand, before she turned around and opened the door.

There Derek stood, wide eyes and opened mouth. Then it hit her - embarrassment.

"Did you just...?" He was stumbling over his own words. Casey bit her lip, wanting so badly to slam the door and lock herself in her room forever. "... You kissed me!"

But she wasn't going to run away, it was too late. She was done with running, anyway. "Can we just pretend like this didn't happen?"

She wasn't _that_ strong, though.

"No. I will not pretend this didn't just happen." Before Casey could respond he was pushing himself into her bedroom. He kicked the door shut with his foot, and Casey looked at him through the darkness, the light from the moon illuminating his face.

"Derek, I'm _really_ sorry," Casey said, her heart began to pound painfully against her chest.

"Casey," He slowly approached her, his hands finding her shoulders as he looked her straight in the eyes. They were still so full of light. "You don't have to be sorry... but I want to know why you," he hesitated, "... why you, uh... did _that_."

She was going to answer him truthfully, what choice did she have now anyway? But nothing came out, it was like her words were trapped in the back of her throat. She swallowed hard, and suddenly she realized Derek's hands were on her shoulders. His touch, she breathed, his touch was so warm, and so comforting. If only...

"...Why did you kiss me, Casey?"

A tear trailed down her cheek. Derek's gaze followed it. "What do you think?" She spat out, anger was now swelling from inside her. Thoughts, negativity, began racing through her mind.

His grip turned from being firm to soft, gentle, as Casey started to cry. He stayed silent.

"... Yes, Derek. I like you - I've _always_ liked you," She felt like a broken water faucet. The tears wouldn't stop, no matter how much she tried, they kept pouring out of her eyes, making her whole face wet.

He backed away from her, his hands leaving her shoulders, making her feel abandoned. This was it, the rejection phase. She tried to brace herself but still, it hurt. "I had no idea... I didn't know you-"

"Well, I do... ." It _did_ feel good though, finally telling him how she truly felt, it was empowering in a odd way.

Derek remained completely silent. He started playing with his fingers and for a split second he reminded Casey of a little boy, scared and frightened.

Casey dried her face with the palms of her hands, feeling the tears subside. After several seconds she was able to talk. "Derek, do me a favor..." his eyes were burning into hers, but she tried her best to ignore them, "... Let it go. We don't ever have to speak about this again. It happened and I know it was completely crazy, but I think you should forget about it..."

She was waiting for him to leave the room, and when he moved forward she was expecting him to walk pass her, but he didn't.

"Derek, what are you...?"

She trailed off when she realized what was happening.

In a matter of seconds Casey's thoughts turned into nothingness. Derek's arms were wrapping around her waist, and his face was inches away from hers, the tips of their noses touching.

And then it happened.

Derek was kissing her, hard and passionately. Her hands trailed down his backside slowly, her fingernails grazing him, while his mouth found her neck, and she moaned loudly in his ear, making him shiver. _Finally_, Casey eyelids fluttered close.

They fell backwards into Casey's bed, and he was now on top of her, kissing down her neck, across her collarbone, before he kissed her on the mouth again, this time more tenderly.

He tasted amazing. Derek's lips perfectly molded into hers, it was like they were made for each other. She had never felt this way with anyone else. It was different, a different she couldn't describe.

Casey's fingers ran through Derek's hair and she could feel him shiver as their mouths broke apart, leaving a tiny gap between them. They both opened their eyes and stared at each other.

"Derek, I-" She could barely speak, what she was feeling was too overwhelming. "... I guess ... I guess this means that - that you like me too?"

He laughed, also trying to regain his breath. "I think the answer's always been pretty obvious."

She smiled warmly before he kissed her again slowly, his warm breath making her shiver.

Sometimes, actions can speak louder than words. For Casey, she didn't need to hear Derek's answer. She could feel it in his kiss.

_x._

_Fin  
_


End file.
